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Do you see your relationship with a narcissist as a spiritual test?

I'm trying to work through issues right now (the psychiatrist who alerted me to my ex's probable narcissism told me it would take me ten years to even figure out what he did to me!)

I'm trying to understand how it all happened and I'm wondering what (painful) lessons we can learn from our experiences with narcissism. Somehow, we were attracted to people in whose realities we do not even exist as people....

I was wondering about others' experiences?

I believe there was something spiritual for me to learn. Now that my relationship with the N is over and I'm in NC mode (No Contact) I believe that it was a spiritual test for me to refind myself. Its been the most difficult thing that I've ever endured and brought me to my knees. I had no where else to go but to God in order to survive and get back to being myself.

I have thought that myself a lot. I am sitting at the same crossroad right now, just wanting to pass the test this time and choose something better for me and my kids, I can already feel myself getting sucked back into the whole addictive part of trying to get closure and have my NPD really see me as a person and understand my feelings, this just gives him more leverage to manipulate me...or...when that doesn't work, twist mean words into my head that is emotionally devastating to me...he just got caught (his email came to my computer) asking another woman to go out with him, and is currently turning the whole thing into "I'm psycho" "I need counseling" "I am a jealous and insecure person" and "no one will ever love me because I am the way I am" and I'm getting mentally sucked into the issue rather than seeing that this is just what it is THIS week and even when there isn't an "email" there is only a person sucking all the energy out of my life and hope and joy and happiness. I am absolutely nothing more than a stick of furniture for all the care or empathy or attention he brings to me.

All,

I just got out of a relationship with one of these types. He was absolutely text book. Reading these articles, finding the actual definition of one of these types of people - that helped. BUT - all of this research I did, I did because I was on the verge of calling this guy again. I had fallen back to the whole, "Maybe I really am psycho, maybe I really am insecure". And then, after researching a bit about this, I felt better. And THEN - I remember his face the last time I saw him - stuffing his face with food (due to some sort of compulsive eating disorder that, apparently, is symptomatic of one of these types of people) - the way he looked, the crazy way he was talking - No WAY are we psycho - We got out. So, Ladies - all I can say is - no, I don't think we have any more to learn other then the world has some bad people in it (we already knew this) - but that we need to be proud, hold our heads up, and remember - we got out! We know the signs! That whirl wind romatic guy? That called you five times on the way home after the first date? The guy that wanted you to grow old with him - THREE WEEKS after you met him? That was never real - we knew that, really. We figured it out! That makes us pretty smart, and pretty strong.

I'm sure I'll be on here again, sad and lonely - so, do me a favor - remind me to remember that dude's face? Stuffing himself ........spewing forth some BS excuse for what ever he can't really explain when questioned. And if you need me to, I'll remind you guys - of the nasty insults under the guise of teasing, of the twisting your words around to make you sound crazy........ Remember what you went through - so if some e-mail "accidentally" ends up in your mail box, asking some other woman out - think about what she'll go through, eventually.........and hope and pray she figures it out, too.

Also, everybody - I googled npd (my sister in law is a therapist and sort of alerted me that this guy was a textbook case) - and found a bunch of good articles by a Dr. Sam Vaknin - who admits to having npd himself - Do, do read these! When I get to feeling bad about the whole thing again, and how in the heck I got sucked in to this, and basically flogging myself over and over - I read his discussions about the signs, what they do, etc. - oh, man, it helps SO much! Good to hear it from the horse's own mouth!